Making a statement

[blinker]

Kelly's not coming to New York with me in June for my little brother's high school graduation. Last night, I asked my mother if it would be okay for her to come with me. Her response?

"I don't think it's an appropriate time to make a statement."

After much clarification and "I'm just concerned for the kids", it became apparent that that meant "no." I suppose I should cut her some slack, because she's only had 7 YEARS to get used to the possibility that I might someday wind up in a committed relationship with another woman.

I really should have followed through on the plan to have her trapped in an elevator with a dozen PFLAG members.

Comments

[queue.livejournal.com]

My relationship with my parents has changed quite a bit, or at least my end of it.

When my mom came out to visit, and I had recently told her about the poly stuff, I did ask her if she wanted to meet anyone. Her answer was that she wanted to spend time with me and my wife, since that was my "primary relationsip", and she only had a limited amount of time. I think she's uncomfortable with the idea and thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, but she still wants to say that she loves and supports me no matter what. It seems that this mainly boils down to not talking about it, but that's another issue, I guess. So I didn't bring anyone else along for the few days she was here.

Now, if my mom had some big event (like, if she actually ever ends up getting married), I might ask if I can bring someone. Other than something like that, if things worked out that I would bring someone other than my wife with me to visit her (long ways away, so it's not necessarily all that likely), I wouldn't ask her if that was okay. I think I would just let her know who was coming with me. In the past, I think I might have been more inclined to ask. But now, I really see my parents as just people. Yes, if there were some kind of big emergency, I would go back and try to help out. Yes, if my life fell completely apart and I had nowhere else to turn, I'd probably turn to my parents. But they're just not any kind of priority any more. I guess maybe that's part of growing up. I don't know; I haven't read the rule book.

Err, thanks for letting me use your journal to knock around some ideas that have been in my head for a while.

[slinkr.livejournal.com]

This is some good food for thought. I think I handle these things much better when my siblings aren't involved. I get really protective of them because I know that they're growing up in a dysfunctional environment and I don't want to contribute to it.

[lcohen]

wouldn't seeing you overcome it and refuse to buy into it send a very positive message, though?

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

For spending time together in a "getting-to-know-them" sort of way, I can see how your (queue's) mom might feel that it was effectively not worth her time to get to know people who she felt were only passing presences in your life, especially if you do not spend large amount of times with her to begin with. For events, I agree with that it'd be a different story.

I went through some similar issues with my mom as well.